she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
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It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
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Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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