What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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