I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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