why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
