should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
