I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
