Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
