If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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