guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
