oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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