people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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