forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
