Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
