I cannot find my penis.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
