i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
