If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
