i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
