Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I FOUND THE LEGS
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
