Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
