I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize