I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
