i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
