guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
