How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
