So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
