be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
