Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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