I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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