i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
