Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
