look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
