He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
