i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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