Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
