I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
