how can u be prego again
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You need a sexual gate keeper
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Randomize
