No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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