Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
it hurts more in the daytime
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
