god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
