Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
