idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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