For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
