Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
