I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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