Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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