We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
