Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
