he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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