just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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