Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I see more hoeing in ur future
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