I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
