Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
