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i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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