We're facebook friends in real life
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
