A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize