the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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