You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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