I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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