thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
