If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
