I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
