you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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