Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
