69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
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