My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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