Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
