i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
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just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
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When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
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