She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
