also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I want to fling myself into the sun
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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