Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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