Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
