Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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