is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
