I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
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